April 2, 1986
8039 Hemphill
San Diego
Paul Bench
92122
Dear Mr. Bench:
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DON'T PASS UP THIS SPECIAL OFFER!
For a limited time only, in addition
to your free gift, you'll receive a
copy of the worldwide best seller,
"The Postmaster General Knows Where
They Kept Elvis' Brain" . In this
fascinating book you'll learn the
Postmaster Generals SECRET IDENTITY
and why aliens from the planet Neptar
contacted Elvis from beyond the grave.
But act now, before our limited quantity
of these valuable books is gone!
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If there ever should be a terrible world wide nuclear
war, you can well imagine the importance of the postal
service we currently take for granted. Powerful
electromagnetic waves would circle the planet, disabling
all electrical devices, including telephones, telegraphs,
radios, even your TV! The only mode of communication
left would be the U.S. Postal Service. Your brave,
dedicated carrier would brave the terrible burning
deadly radioactive fallout that will make everyone
sterile or mutated. I'm sure you understand the
importance of the recent increase in rates. Part of
that worthwhile increase will go to provide radiation
suits and portable geiger counters for each and every
postman and woman. Of corse, as the ignition system
of the postal delivery truck would be inoperative, it
is also necessary to buy a fleet of liquid-cooled
nitrogen powered jet packs for each of the carriers
at this time.
Also, I am sure you can easily imagine that secret
government messages could easily fall into the hands
of the enemy if they were not trickily disguised
with misleading addresses. Specially trained postal
sorters must be trained NOW to prevent the security
of our great nation from ever being comprimised by
a lack of knowledge and training, something I'm sure
you fell, as I do, that every postal worker should be
endowed with. That's why there's POSTAL INTELLIGENCE,
a quarterly newsletter filled with thick, glossy,
four colour prints and large easy to read letters that
go IN DEPTH into subjects YOU want to know about. You'll
find out: Is your postal carrier doing his job? Does
he read your mail-how to use radio waves length inverse
graphology to find if your letters are being steamed
open, or read with X-Ray vision! You'll even find
out the secret location of the number of the beast that
is tattooed on each and every postal worker that is
in reality a commie spy!
For only $19.95, you'll get a FULL YEARS SUBSCRIPTION
to the magazine people are talking about. And if you
order RIGHT NOW you'll receive a very special FREE GIFT
with your order.
Send Your check or money order (NO CASH PLEASE) to
POSTAL INTELLIGENCE
P.O.Box 8039
San DIego
Thanks for reading all about it,
JOE BOBSON
Postal Intelligence
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