nonoctave.com: formula 5 hallucenogenic hot sauce

nonoctave.com / formula 5 hallucenogenic hot sauce

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Jeff’s Formula 5 Hallucenogenic Hot Sauce

19-alarm Power! Formula 5’s heat factor is off the scale. It will burn down your house and take your body with it. You have been warned. We can assume no responsibility for spontaneous human combustion.

Formula 5 has all the "Triple X Erotic Take Me Now Yes"-ness you need. Just a teaspoon of Formula 5 will have you screaming ooooh yeah baby in no time even though there’s no one else around. We know this much for sure: This hot number is not for the prudish! Are you saucy enough to swallow it all?

Enter the seventh heaven as Formula 5 takes you out of your body, out of the solar system, and beyond! You’ll travel at faster-than-light speeds as you pass through new universes of taste sensation.

Here are just a few Testimonials from our many satisfied customers:

“Formula 5 Hallucinogenic Hot Sauce makes me feel like I am leaving my body. My eyes bulge out and I become aware of beautiful colors I have never seen before.” — Jim, Pacifica, California

“I thought I’d had the hottest hot sauce ever thought up when I ate Pedro’s Full Commital Lifetime Madness Crazy Sauce. Let me tell you this, after trying Formula 5, I realized that Pedro is a marmalade eating cookie-pusher and a full-blooded pansy. Pedro’s Sauce now tastes like applesauce to me and I won’t even feed it to my parrot. Formula 5 is the only condiment that wakes me up in the morning and keeps me going all day. Why, I even put it in my coffee. I’m committed for life.” — Angus, Sudan, Texas

“In 1983, my uncle, a veteran of the Vietnam War, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He’s still alive, and he ate more hot sauce than anyone I’ve ever seen.” — Sue Ellen, Bakersfield

“I was legally blind for fifteen years. Since I started putting Formula 5 in everything I eat, even my morning milk and orange juice, I can see again!” — Rick Williamson, Boston

“Scrappy was our longtime family pet. Last week, we went to check on him and he was cold and hard — plumb dead. Well he was such a good little doggy and we’d always said we’d go and get him stuffed if he passed on... we just didn’t think it would be so soon. With me being on Social Security and Sally with her bad back, it’s usually hand to mouth each month so we knew we’d have to do it ourselves with a book we got from the library. Sally said, ‘Let’s soak him in a tub full of Formula 5 to work as an embalming fluid.’ I told her ‘Woman, that’s the craziest bit of plumb foolishness I ever heard.’ Don’t you know she did it anyway and left him that way overnight to let it get soaked in good. The next morning we got up and Scrappy was running around like nothing had happened. I said, ‘I’ll be hogwashed’.” The boy next door is a doctor of some kind or another and he came over a talking some fancy scientific mumbo jumbo about Scrappy being in a coma or some such nonsense but we both know what really happened.” — Ed Bemingdale, Okeene

W A R N I N G

Formula 5 is a full-strength spicy adventure. It is not for tiny babies, small children, mamma’s boys, sissy men, fragile princesses, or sick old ladies. In addition, pregnant women and people with heart conditions should not even stand near it except under the advice, direction and immediate supervision of a doctor.

Attention! News Flash! Formula 5 Original Hot Sauce has been banned by the US. goverment pending review. Sales have been stopped indefinitely. Please folks, stop calling and sending email trying to get some. We can no longer manufacture the stuff in this country. Thanks for the offers, but the outrageous price bids you have been sending can not be accepted. Also as part of the court order, I can not disclose to anyone the directions on how to make it yourself, even though Formula 5 consists of 100% organically grown, all natural legal ingredients. And that’s the truth.